The Great Florida Trip of 2012- The Fifteenth Day
What an odd microwave, I'm thinking to myself right now. I just put in a cup of coffee and it heated the cup itself more than the liquid inside. I had to use an oven mitt just to get the cup out. If I knew more about science I could probably explain why the cup itself is hotter than the coffee inside. One will never know.
That's the challenge of being away from familiar territory. You have to get used to things over and over again when you're in an exotic locale. I've been doing that this whole trip. Dealing with microwaves, beds and especially foreign toilets. Those stress me out the most. I almost have to make friends with the commode before I use it. I'll tell you this too, because I know you want to hear it, when I'm away I have a hard time doing my duty. Remember back in the late 70's, early 80's there was a show on ABC called, "That's Incredible"? I used to watch it religiously, it may have been on NBC, it doesn't matter, I loved it. They had this Indian man named, The Yogi Kudu. He could contort his body in such a way he could fit into a small box. One time, they put him into a clear box and place him at the bottom of a pool. He trained his body to slow down his heart rate and breathing so he could be confined in a space like that and not die. My body pretty much does that but not in a meditative way, in I can hold poop for a long time.
For the past two weeks I've been staying in scum holes and I realized that I've been grossed out the entire time. It's probably the biggest reason I can't relax and I'm on edge. The hotels I've picked I'm worried if I'm either going to clog the toilet, get bed bugs or get caught in the middle of a domestic dispute. It sucked.
Now, I have serenity. I'm at my sister Lisa's house in Port Charlotte, which is about an hour south of Sarasota. It's also right next to a lovely place called, Punta Gorda. I've been playing tennis there the past couple of days and the people there couldn't be friendlier, it's great. Now, I talked about stereotypes in yesterday's blog and I'm going to do that again in this one. You know when hack comedians describe Florida as "God's waiting room"? Well, they must have come to Port Charlotte. It is the quintessential Florida that is made fun of and talked about in movies, television and probably right in your own living room. Take for instance, my sister and I at Walgreen's yesterday. Walgreen's in Florida, where adult diapers are prominently displayed, can you say in your face?
We're standing in line and luckily, we just paid for our stuff when out of the blue, like a slow moving water drop, a man rushes the register and exclaims, "The money machine, it didn't give me enough! What do I do?" Well, for one, you could wait in line, it's only ten deep at this point. Mainly, because the old broad cashier is, well, fucking old.
"The money machine, it didn't give me enough!" I picture this guy later in the day, "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!" Just a panic, just a everything in his life is this urgent. The term, "Go with the flow" probably has never crossed his mind. This man was Morty Seinfeld times ten. The money machine. Fuck you!
This is great though. My sister's house is beautiful. It's actually nice to talk and hang out with people at night. Lisa and her boyfriend Paul are the best. They've made me feel like a king and more welcome than anyone. Above all, their toilet rocks.
During the day, I go to Punta Gorda and hit off the ball machine at the tennis club, come home and hang out with the dogs. Teddy and Sofie/Sofia. It's paradise.
That's the challenge of being away from familiar territory. You have to get used to things over and over again when you're in an exotic locale. I've been doing that this whole trip. Dealing with microwaves, beds and especially foreign toilets. Those stress me out the most. I almost have to make friends with the commode before I use it. I'll tell you this too, because I know you want to hear it, when I'm away I have a hard time doing my duty. Remember back in the late 70's, early 80's there was a show on ABC called, "That's Incredible"? I used to watch it religiously, it may have been on NBC, it doesn't matter, I loved it. They had this Indian man named, The Yogi Kudu. He could contort his body in such a way he could fit into a small box. One time, they put him into a clear box and place him at the bottom of a pool. He trained his body to slow down his heart rate and breathing so he could be confined in a space like that and not die. My body pretty much does that but not in a meditative way, in I can hold poop for a long time.
For the past two weeks I've been staying in scum holes and I realized that I've been grossed out the entire time. It's probably the biggest reason I can't relax and I'm on edge. The hotels I've picked I'm worried if I'm either going to clog the toilet, get bed bugs or get caught in the middle of a domestic dispute. It sucked.
Now, I have serenity. I'm at my sister Lisa's house in Port Charlotte, which is about an hour south of Sarasota. It's also right next to a lovely place called, Punta Gorda. I've been playing tennis there the past couple of days and the people there couldn't be friendlier, it's great. Now, I talked about stereotypes in yesterday's blog and I'm going to do that again in this one. You know when hack comedians describe Florida as "God's waiting room"? Well, they must have come to Port Charlotte. It is the quintessential Florida that is made fun of and talked about in movies, television and probably right in your own living room. Take for instance, my sister and I at Walgreen's yesterday. Walgreen's in Florida, where adult diapers are prominently displayed, can you say in your face?
We're standing in line and luckily, we just paid for our stuff when out of the blue, like a slow moving water drop, a man rushes the register and exclaims, "The money machine, it didn't give me enough! What do I do?" Well, for one, you could wait in line, it's only ten deep at this point. Mainly, because the old broad cashier is, well, fucking old.
"The money machine, it didn't give me enough!" I picture this guy later in the day, "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!" Just a panic, just a everything in his life is this urgent. The term, "Go with the flow" probably has never crossed his mind. This man was Morty Seinfeld times ten. The money machine. Fuck you!
This is great though. My sister's house is beautiful. It's actually nice to talk and hang out with people at night. Lisa and her boyfriend Paul are the best. They've made me feel like a king and more welcome than anyone. Above all, their toilet rocks.
During the day, I go to Punta Gorda and hit off the ball machine at the tennis club, come home and hang out with the dogs. Teddy and Sofie/Sofia. It's paradise.
Posted by Tony Moschetto at 1/25/2012 3:25 PM 
Categories: The Daily Paragraph, The Great Florida Trip of 2012
Categories: The Daily Paragraph, The Great Florida Trip of 2012
Comments