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I've just finished my bagel and fortunately my coffee is still warm. That perfect warm, you know, the temperature in between scolding and cold. This temperature window of opportunity is fleeting so I sip earnestly and with urgency.

The tick tick tock of the clock in the kitchen clashes with the soothing sound of the washing machine in the basement. The swishing beat and whirling rhythm is music, a song, each cycle, a new movement in a classic piece. The next movement is titled, spin cycle. I chuckle to myself.

Someone knows what I'm talking about, with their air tight alibis, rugged jeans and black tee shirt. Somehow, they manage to escape the daily grind of life, living underground and only coming out at night. They sleep in or they don't. They're in a coffee shop early in the morning getting coffee because they can't sleep, their life consumed with living it incognito, below the surface, unnoticeable to the rest of society. They are your spies, your runaway convicts or just someone on the run from something. They're a government agent or a witness that doesn't want to be found. They're rogue, good people who got caught up with some bad apples. Set up by the ones who trained them. Whoever they are they're hackneyed and played out. One movie after another, these types are there. Do any genuine loners of the oblivion really live their lives like this? This stereotype exists in our minds with their boots, hairless chests and jacked bodies. You never see them at the gym though.

My Action Movie:

Is there a gym for individuals living underground? Is there an underground gym that's literally underground? Yes, and you don't have to show an ID to get in. Better, you have to talk your way in, that's part of the code, part of the way of life of the loner/action movie hero. My hero impresses the gym boss with his wit and gets a free month's membership.

Intrigue follows after the workout as he exits through the parking garage. Of course there's a parking garage scene. Suddenly, headlights come on and dart out at our friend, the genuine loner. The car screeches to a halt and a big hairy arm points at our man carrying his work out bag and says, “I saw you. I saw you looking at me, not wiping down the elliptical machine after I used it. You better not tell the manager.”

“Or what?”

“Or this.” Through the window a dirty towel is hurled, narrowly missing the hero. “Next time, it'll be dirtier.” Yells, the hairy armed man. The car drives off. Where would he go if he couldn't go to the underground gym? He'll be damned if he has to go and join Gold's or even worse, Planet Fitness. Gross. He doesn't want to make trouble, he's out of the game. He just wants to live his life and lift weights, preparing for the unexpected mission/job he'll be forced to do in the next scene.

The Next Scene:

Sitting at his kitchen table, sipping coffee, from the coffee shop, some thuggy looking dudes bust in telling him so and so wants to see him. He fights back with the dudes but gets knocked out. He comes to on some type of round couch in a dimly lit room. He hears the thumping of disco music from the other room. Rubbing the back of his neck, he wisecracks, “That music is giving me a headache.”

Don't want to give you too much information about my movie...

How easy is it to write an action movie? Pretty easy if you ask me. I've got the makings of a blockbuster right in front of me. Hope you liked the wisecrack too. It's okay if it was kind of lame because he can be lame in the wisecrack department. It's not his job to be funny. This is not a comedy after all. I mean, it could have more comical tinges to it but we'll wait for that when the punch ups occur. Until then he says a somewhat witty line showing the viewers he's not scared and that he'll find a way out of this predicament. Witty lines show his heroism and carefree attitude towards life.

Also, we as viewers get a sense of what it's like to be him and how he intends to kick the ass of the people who put him here. A rematch with the thugs will most definitely happen.

These types of scenes wouldn't work if the guy was like, “What's going on? I'm doomed, I've never been in this situation before. I'm dead. I better do what I'm told here because if I don't I'll be in big big trouble. I know, I'll reason with them when they get back to do whatever they're going to do to me, they have to be reasonable, right?”

Not good. We'd hate the guy if he acted like that. No, the characteristics of an action movie have to be so: the main man has to be witty, has to be brave, has to be handsome and in shape. He doesn't have to know all the answers but has to be willing to learn. Somehow, he does figure it out and saves the day or is vindicated. Whatever path is taken, humbleness is always a good trait for these characters. Sure, there have been some twists on this theme and humor has been served when the main character is set up with a buffoon, the oldest trick in the books. But hey, you already know this.